Dear Diary

MONDAY

THE reason we are suffering in Beijing without even one Bronze medal is all because of Inzikuru. Not Inzikuru as such but the person who is responsible for her pregnancy. If Inzikuru had been in Beijing we would already be on the list of countries with at least a gold medal.

TUESDAY
So what we need for Inzikuru and the person responsible for making her unable to compete on the athletics field is a lesson in spacing. She should be taught how to space in such a way that her babies are expected only two years before a major Olympics event. As it were, Uganda is likely to content herself with a certificate of attendance and spirited participation.

WEDNESDAY
I think the country should have invested in me to go for boxing or wrestling. After seeing some of those lanky boys and their mosquito weight punches, I am confident I would have unleashed just one knock-out, Amin style. I will plan for the next Olympics after all, there is no age limit.

THURSDAY
I read in the media a list of what women don’t like; talking about their bad hair, figures, weight, faces, make-up, relatives etc. Basically, you are not supposed to talk about anything when you are with a woman! No wonder guys would rather hang around with each other and talk about anything and everything.

FRIDAY
Shamim has declared that she is missing her children and would like them brought
back from the village. Marriage trains you to stop getting surprised or shocked by your partner’s erratic behaviour. So I proposed to her that she goes and joins them in the village.

SATURDAY
Shamim’s counter-proposal was that she cannot stay at my parents’ home without me so we either go together or she doesn’t move an inch. It is times like these that you remember your grandfather and what a respectable man he was. No woman would dare speak back to him moreover standing on her two feet.

SUNDAY
I overslept..